totally fucked.

so i've been doing alot of thinking. and i guess everyone does during college, when they're not drinking and being pretentious assholes. and things arent making sense. like, the big bang theory. i don't believe in god, but that theory can't be true. theres gotta be a better explaination. like, the possibility of a higher power? not nessicarily(sp?) christian god or allah or something but the whole, massive explosion thing, that shit is for the birds. i think the main reason atheist hold onto that so strongly is, not only because theres no alternitive besides creation, but because most people hate being proven wrong. anyway, whether there is a god or not, something else had to of happened. i was out riding the other night with my friend joey, and we stopped for a little while got into a discussion on philosiphy. joey is a existentialist, like kerouac or emerson, i assume kerouac was an existentalist anyway, thats just my take on his work, anyway, i decided to hold Nietzsche's mantle of nihilism, and joey, who at the time had been looking into alot of buddhism, told me "you are like a drop of water in a fountain, as soon as you drop your ego, and your vices and realize that, for instance, lets say, when the drop (you) are shot up, that is your life, but as soon as you return to the pool, that is death, as soon as you realize that your the same in the air (alive) as you are when you return to the pool (death) your exactly the same." and that also got me thinking. so i'll check back in when i'm done.


where are we going?